From the album ‘Come Again‘ (1977).
- Derek:
- Nnh-nh, excuse me.
- Clive:
- Yes?
- Derek:
- I-, I seem to recognise you.
- Clive:
- Yes, I think we’ve met before.
- Derek:
- You have met with me, nice to see you.
- Clive:
- Are you the person who, erm, made love to me in Pensby four years ago?
- Derek:
- Yes, that’s right, yes, you remember.
- Clive:
- Yes, I have medical-…
- Derek:
- I talked…
- Clive:
- ….I have medical reports to show.
- Derek:
- Yes, I remember. And talking of ‘member’, I wonder if I could, er, jostle your member memory and, erm, prevail…
- Clive:
- I’d like to make something quite clear from the, erm, from the outset.
- Derek:
- I like to make something quite queer from you.
- Clive:
- Er, let me put it this way: although we are liberated in these days…
- Derek:
- Ng-hmm.
- Clive:
- …it is still not, er, fashionable to be, erm, out of the, um,…
- Derek:
- You’re lost, aren’t you?
- Clive:
- …closet.
- Derek:
- Oh, out of the closet, Well, you are lost then, aren’t you, if you’re out of the closet.
- Clive:
- No, I’m still not out of the closet. Umm, although I recognise your feelings towards my, er,…
- Derek:
- I recognise your knnnnnoobbbbb.
- Clive:
- No, you never saw my knob. That was a facsimilie…
- Derek:
- A beautiful knob with that purple glistening helmet. (cough! cough! cough! cough!) Excuse me.
- Clive:
- I’m sorry, I coughed.
- Derek:
- No, that was me.
- Clive:
- Ah. I’m very sorry, I mistook you for me.
- Derek:
- I’m sorry I coughed, I have a pubic hair down there from, er, royal personage. Ah-h-hem. I won’t go into details.
- Clive:
- Well, let me put it this way…
- Derek:
- Put it any way you like, darling. Preferably here. (sniggers)
- Clive:
- I-, I-, I’m very interested in meeting you and your sort.
- Derek:
- You’ve met me, and here I am.
- Clive:
- But, on the other hand…
- Derek:
- No, preferably this hand.
- Clive:
- …there are certain conditions, and, um,…
- Derek:
- Oh, conditions monditions.
- Clive:
- …subscription memberships which we have to earn, too.
- Derek:
- Oh, yes.
- Clive:
- I am a private club.
- Derek:
- You’re a private club?
- Clive:
- Yes. I can only admit one member…
- Derek:
- Nnnnnhhhhhh-ohhhhhh.
- Clive:
- I can only admit one member a day.
- Derek:
- Nnnnnhhhhhh-ohhhhhhhhhhhh does that mean-, I-, I-, have you… ?
- Clive:
- You’re admitted.
- Derek:
- I’m admitted? Oh-h-h. Well, um, if you’d just like to wrap your cock in a ten pound note I’d be very satisfied.
- Clive:
- Would you like to die with me?
- Derek:
- Yeah, ohhhh, sirrrr-uh-huh-huh.
- Clive:
- (throaty gargle)
- Derek:
- I can feel it coming on. I think…
- Clive:
- You must be with somebody else.
- Derek:
- No, I’m having a heart attack, oh yes. Everything’s getting a bit blurry, um,…
- Clive:
- Are you dying?
- Derek:
- I’m feeling something furry. Oh God, the pain-n-n-n-n-n.
- Clive:
- What’s it like to die?
- Derek:
- Well, hold on a moment and I’ll-, ah-ah-ahhhh, it’s not-, not as bad as it-, not as bad as you might think.
- Clive:
- It’s not as bad as it’s made out to be.
- Derek:
- But not as good, either. I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of.
- Clive:
- What’s that?
- Derek:
- Absolutely everything.
- Clive:
- Goodnight darling.
- Derek:
- Goodnight my darling.
Derek and Clive 