From the album ‘Ad Nauseam‘ (1978).
- Clive:
- I’ll tell you one thing I can’t stand…
- Derek:
- Tell me.
- Clive:
- …about Russia, is the dead bodies in your hotel room.
- Derek:
- Oh, blimey, yeah.
- Clive:
- ’cause I booked into a second class hotel, you know, second class hotel,…
- Derek:
- Mmm.
- Clive:
- …two stars, and, er, I asked, er, room service, erm, tch, you know, for a light meal ’cause I was going sight-seeing the next morning.
- Derek:
- Mmmm.
- Clive:
- And I said, "I’d like some chips and a-, you know, a steak medium-rare and a banana fritter", you know.
- Derek:
- Mmm.
- Clive:
- And, er, this bloke come up to the room and, frankly, it wasn’t what I ordered. He brought up, er, three thousand dissidents…
- Derek:
- Oh, w-, blimey.
- Clive:
- …with their testicles attached to electrodes.
- Derek:
- Tss!
- Clive:
- And I said, "Call this fucking room service? ‘s not room service," I said, "I asked for chips, steak…
- Derek:
- Yeah.
- Clive:
- …and banana fritters…
- Derek:
- Right.
- Clive:
- …I get three thousand fucking dissidents on a tray."
- Derek:
- Yeah, cunts. What are they trying to pull, eh?
- Clive:
- Well, I-
- Derek:
- They think we’re cunts!
- Clive:
- I said, "If you’re expecting a tip, mate, if you’re expecting a tip…
- Derek:
- Go to fucking…
- Clive:
- …you can get the fuck out of my hotel room."
- Derek:
- Yeah, yeah.
- Clive:
- Anyway, they just dumped ’em down on the-, on the-,…
- Derek:
- W-
- Clive:
- …on the floor.
- Derek:
- Yeah.
- Clive:
- All these dissid-, I got talking to them, some nice blokes, actually.
- Derek:
- Yeah?
- CLIVE:
- Err, Sergei… er… Walankov. Sergei Walankov.
- Derek:
- Ohhh, Wankoff, yes.
- Clive:
- Walankov. He wrote some poetry, he wrote, erm, a poem saying, er:
“The Soviet Union is a khasi
Mister Brezhnev is a cunt
And, er, I want my freedom”
you see… - Derek:
- Ye-ah.
- Clive:
- And he published that in a dissident newspaper.
- Derek:
- I’d rather be room service than in prison.
- Clive:
- But I’ll say one thing for Russia. The-, the health service is tremendous.
- Derek:
- Oh, yeah.
- Clive:
- As soon as you’re ill they kill you.
- Derek:
- Yeah?
- Clive:
- Yeah. Oh, there’s no fucking about with cures.
- Derek:
- Hu-heah, well they’ve got the right idea, haven’t they?
Derek and Clive 