From the album ‘Come Again‘ (1977).
- Derek:
- Oh, er,… "Count Yorga, Vampire Shit Sucker", you’ve seen that film, have you?
- Clive:
- Yeah, I enjoyed that, ’cause, er, when Yorga comes in and, er, is confronted by the, you know, enraged arsehole…
- Derek:
- Yeah.
- Clive:
- …of, er, well, you know, the actor we can’t name… the way he gets his gob round that arsehole…
- Derek:
- Mmm.
- Clive:
- …is incredible. I don’t know what special effects they had o-, if any at all. Was that special effects or was that for real?
- Derek:
- No, no, that was for real.
- Clive:
- That was for real.
- Derek:
- They got a bloke in who, er, is particularly good at sucking shit.
- Clive:
- Ah, yeah. Who’s that?
- Derek:
- Errrr-
- Clive:
- George Riddles?
- Derek:
- ‘s Norman.
- Clive:
- Oh, Norman!
- Derek:
- Norman who did-
- Clive:
- Norman.
- Derek:
- You know-
- Clive:
- Norman did that!
- Derek:
- Yeah
- Clive:
- Yeah, ‘course he done that, he does…
- Derek:
- Yeah.
- Clive:
- …all the shit sucking jobs, doesn’t he?
- Derek:
- He’s got-, he’s really got the, er, he’s got the market cornered on that. Shit sucking.
- Clive:
- Must be nice to know that, you know, whenever there’s going to be a movie made in which tons of shit are going to pour out of somebody’s arsehole, you’re in-, you’re in there, you know,…
- Derek:
- You’re right in there.
- Clive:
- You’re right in there.
- Derek:
- Yeah.
- Clive:
- He, he slept his way there, didn’t he, though? He married that…
- Derek:
- No, he shat his way there.
- Clive:
- He shat his way! That’s it!
- Derek:
- He shat his way to the bottom.
- Clive:
- He shat his way to the bottom, yeah.
- Derek:
- (clears throat)
- Clive:
- I’s, I was just wondering, Derek, how you’ve been doing with the, er, with central casting, vis-a-vis, you know, like, star roles.
- Derek:
- Well, err…
- Clive:
- ‘Cause there’s, you know, a lot of, er, people get into movies simply because they are poofs…
- Derek:
- Right.
- Clive:
- …and want to slide their fucking knob up any director who fancies them and, you know, that’s one way of getting to the top and I always say it’s another way of getting to the bottom, and I’m not going to do that for any fucking movie stardom in the world. I was wondering how you’d gone with central casting, knowing how difficult it fucking is, not to compromise your fucking self.
- Derek:
- Well, it’s, err, well, as you know, er, Clive, the film industry is terribly depressed.
- Clive:
- Well, I’m terribly depressed, I didn’t know the film industry was.
- Derek:
- Well, maybe, you know, ‘s probably…
- Clive:
- Er, co-incidental, yeah, yeah.
- Derek:
- Co-incidental, but it, it may-
- Clive:
- Co-incidental, yeah, absolutely.
- Derek:
- No, no, but, you know, there may very well be some sort of overhang.
- Clive:
- But, any joy from the industry from your point of view?
- Derek:
- Well, I was getting on to that. Errr, as you know, er, parts are very few and far between, you know, but I’m ha-, I’m willing to do almost anything, you know…
- Clive:
- I think, you kn-,
- Derek:
- I’ve got…
- Clive:
- I think, I think if the role merits it, you know, do it.
- Derek:
- Right.
- Clive:
- ‘Cause if you don’t do it, it’s not done. And that’s part of life isn’t it?
- Derek:
- Well, ‘t’s like, ‘t’s…
- Clive:
- Derek, Derek, it’s life…
- Derek:
- Well, no, no,…
- Clive:
- It’s, it’s, it’s the stuff of life…
- Derek:
- You’re talking ph-…
- Clive:
- …it’s the stuff of life, it’s the stuff of life…
- Derek:
- You’re talki-, you’re talking philo-, it’s,…
- Clive:
- …it’s the stuff of life.
- Derek:
- You’re talking philosophy now, Clive.
- Clive:
- ‘Course I am.
- Derek:
- You know, if you want to talk philosophy, fine. And I-
- Clive:
- I, I heard about that one…
- Derek:
- Yeah.
- Clive:
- …the piece of shit from, er, ‘Raise The Titanic!’…
- Derek:
- Right.
- Clive:
- …where, where, where somebody had to look shit scared and there was a big part for a turd?
Derek and Clive 